Cancer in the family

Families are deeply affected by a member's diagnosis of cancer. Feelings can range from anger to despair to fear. Spouses fear losing their partners, parents fear losing their children, and children fear losing their parents.

Children can have an especially hard time when a parent or sibling is ill. Frequently, they aren't included in discussions, hearing only bits and pieces of conversations. They might be too young to understand what's going on. Kids might also jump to conclusions, assuming the worst. Sometimes, they even blame themselves. Some excellent books are written specifically for children on how to cope with a parent's cancer. These advise, for instance, that it's often simply a matter of sitting down and talking to children openly, so that they'll have a realistic picture of what's going on.

To help families cope, many hospitals and cancer clinics hold special meetings with family groups, led by counselors or social workers. Spouses benefit from this kind of support by learning more about what their partners are experiencing and ways that they might be able to help. This type of group also offers spouses of people with cancer a chance to talk about their own feelings and fears.

If you're concerned about how to talk with family members or children about cancer, it's important to speak up and ask about what resources are available. Meeting other families who understand your illness, the effects of treatment, and the emotional ups and downs can go a very long way in helping you cope.

Education is power

We often hear that knowledge is power, and this is especially true when it comes to illness. Learning as much as you can about cancer and its treatments can ease the fear and the burden. If you understand what's going on around you, you in fact become the most important member of your own healthcare team. Armed with information, decisions can be made with you rather than for you.

How do you learn more about cancer? First, ask questions! While some people are reluctant to use up their doctor's time, asking questions and addressing your concerns are vital. After all, you're the one who's going through the process of diagnosis and treatment, and doctors have a lot of the information you need. Answering your questions is part of your treatment. If you're concerned about forgetting what you want to discuss, go to your appointment prepared. Keep a notepad by your bed, on your desk, or wherever is most convenient. Jot down your thoughts and questions as they come to mind. This is also useful if you've been admitted to a hospital. While there, you might be able to see your doctor for just a few minutes in the day. So write down your questions and pull them out when it's time to talk.

Next, do the research. The Cancer Society is a good place to start. They can provide general information and tips on where to find additional information. You can also visit the library and read about people who have gone through the same thing. Don't forget that you can always ask the librarian for help to hunt down medical journals and other publications.


And then there's the Internet - where you can find information on almost any topic you can think of. But it's important to keep in mind that, like any other type of media, not all that's out there is fact. When you find a site that talks about your type of cancer, check to see where this information comes from. Is it a well-known, respected site? Is it run by a university, an institution, or a medical doctor? Are healthcare professionals reviewing the information? Can the information be backed up? If a site talks about "miracle cures," it's wise to remember the old saying: if it's too good to be true, it probably is.

Finding - and giving - support

Support can mean different things to different people. Some like to meet with those undergoing the same experiences, others prefer to reach out to their friends and families for support, and some people are even more private. Whatever you prefer, it's important to have an outlet for your fears and anxieties, to understand that you're not alone and that it's okay to ask for help. Research shows that people who join support groups, for instance, enjoy a much better quality of life than those who don't.

Most hospitals and cancer clinics organize support groups or can refer you to one. Ask about groups in your area, especially if you don't live near a hospital. Or look in the phone book for resource listings such as the Canadian Cancer Society.

There are two very good reasons to join a support group. First, it allows participants to express their needs and worries, share their stories, and talk to people who know exactly how you're feeling. Second, the group is usually up to date on the latest treatment news and research. Not only can they answer many of your questions, it's also a forum where you can learn about practical coping strategies, such as dealing with the kids when you're exhausted, tips on what foods are best to eat if you're feeling sick, and ideas on how to discuss your illness with friends and co-workers.

An alternative resource is the Internet, with its many virtual support and chat groups. Here, even housebound people can find comfort online. Many who aren't confined to the home prefer the anonymity and convenience of cyberspace support groups over a face-to-face encounter. The advantage is that no one has to know who you really are, and the best part is that Internet support groups are almost always available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. So if you can't sleep in the middle of the night, there's a good chance there's someone else on the computer too. If you feel too ill to leave the house but can get to the computer keyboard, you can still connect with someone and get the support that you need. Many strong friendships have formed via the Internet. It has really made a difference in many lives!

Taking cancer in stride

Hearing a doctor say "You have cancer" is devastating news. After the initial shock, this abrupt change in your life affects you in many ways. Most obvious is the physical fact of having an illness, which compromises your health. The other consequence is its emotional impact.

Physically, cancer treatment such as chemotherapy may leave you tired and keep you from enjoying usual activities. The amount of fatigue varies with the type of cancer and treatment, and with the individual person. Although this fatigue can be draining, it isn't usually constant, and there are ways to help you cope. In some cases (when fatigue is related to anemia), a medication called Eprex may help with fatigue – talk to your doctor about whether it's right for you. To boost your morale, book some special time to enjoy doing things just for you when you feel up to it. Whether it's taking a walk in the park, playing with your children, doing yoga, painting, or going to a movie, it can all help. The pleasure you gain from the simple things in life may be just what you need the next time you begin to feel emotionally discouraged. Many people have also found meditation to be helpful in dealing with the physical and emotional stresses of cancer.